Valentine's Day 2015

  This year was so much more special and meaningful for the three of us.  I truly feel like Brielle loves to celebrate just about anything that includes a fun day of gifts and desserts and just being together with family.
  Since my parents were keeping Brielle on Valentine's day and a couple of days before,I knew in my heart she would love a surprise from mommy for the afternoon and that's exactly what I did.  Friday afternoon, after I deep cleaned the entire house (including under all of our major appliances), I thought that a box of chocolate covered strawberries and a balloon would be exactly what Brielle would want.  When she saw me get out of my car, she was so excited, and it made the trip so worth it!
  I had this idea of taking pictures with her in this adorable tutu dress my friend Courtney made her for Christmas and at the time she didn't take too much to it, but now, she LOVED it!  It was so fun to see her twirl around, and act crazy and for me to capture it all on the camera.  I truly feel like this holiday is so much more than just one important day, but it is so nice to enjoy the pink and red decor and so much more!
  This year Shane and I got to celebrate a couple of days early going out to eat at this nice restaurant called the Pump House and enjoy a couple of nice drinks over some amazing food.  We love date night!  On the actual Valentine's Day we started out with waking up early and hitting the gym.  We knew we were going to indulge in delicious wedding food and we wanted to have a good start to the day! Then we headed to the movies (50 shades of grey), and then we attended my friend Keyra and Marco's beautiful wedding.  It is so nice to be in church on such a special day, celebrating God bringing two people together to spend the rest of their lives with one another.  It was truly such a gift to be there.  Then we ended the night just the two of us catching up on our shows and just spending time together.  We are so excited to celebrate next month's anniversary and being together for 10 years! We were such babies when we started dating, and can't believe how much we have grown together since then.
  Here are a few pictures of our love!

Brielle LOVED her Valentine from Auntie Adriane!

Happy wedding day Keyra and Marco!

A LOT of people had the same idea to see this at 11:30A.M lol!

She is growing up so fast!

Picture perfect

This is SO her!

LOVE this picture!

Delicious drinks!

Such a great way to start off the day, on the stair stepper!

20 months!!

  Our baby girl is now 20 months!! 4 months away from being 2!! Yes, I have already started planning on her party, and can't wait to see what it turns out to be! I think I have found the theme for this year, so it will just be planning, planning, planning, in the next few months! She is in such an amazing stage, we can't wait to see what the future holds for our baby girl!! We love you Brielle!!


Height: 34 inches

Weight: 25 pounds

Shoe size: 6.

Likes:
-Sweets (still!!) I am definitely trying to brush her teeth at least twice a day.
-Barney and Mickey Mouse
-Food- She has been SUPER picky with food lately ( I think it is the cough/congestion making her feel so bad) Just wants a small amount of a particular food.
-Her wubbanub paci still has to be in the crib when she is sleeping (along with two other paci's)
-Loves to read books
-Coloring "fish" is so fun to her! (daddy's little girl)
-LOVES to dance!!
-Video chat.  At least once a day with someone she loves
-To text a particular person.  She actually types on the phone.. so cute!
-Animals.  (Her favorite is still our cat Oscar--she has stopped calling all cats oscar though!)
-Puzzles (Has new ABC puzzles and animals from Nana and Papa that she loves!!)
-Talking and singing.
-To show her love for her sister and brother (she now knows that Lamar and Rochelle are in heaven)
-To ride on Daddy's back (well anyone's back for that matter!)
-She says "show me kitchen" every time she is hungry.. which this girl snacks a LOT!

Dislikes:
-Changing diapers/clothes--unless we bribe her it's going to be a battle. (STILL)
-Brushing the teeth
-Getting out of the bath. ( I think she has gotten better at this!)
-When we don't understand what she is trying to say to us. (she will try every way to tell us something, so cute!)
-To be scared.  Or to see scary things. She will say "Mommy noise scary"
-When people are hugging or touching each other.  She will say "Daddy get off mommy!" and shove shane's hands off of me even if he is touching me.. very controlling.
-To leave mommy (she likes to try to make me feel bad and then stops quickly after)


Teeth: 18 teeth. She has gotten her molars!! AHH ! Talk about terrible teething.

Diapers: Size 5.  Bought some potty training diapers and she has been doing great!! Asking her every two hours while she is awake if she wants to pee for a tic-tac and majority of the time, she will go! YAY!

Language:
Signing- More, sad, happy, dirty, hot, cold, all done, milk, thank you, please, horse, cry, apple, yellow, red, blue, pink (we are working on colors a LOT lately!)

Words-She is saying just about everything on her mind.  She will try to show us something if we are not getting what she is asking.

Understanding- I truly feel like she understands almost everything.  If she doesn't, and we re-word it, I truly think she will understand.

I can't wait to see what next month brings! Brielle is such an amazing, happy, little toddler! (Ok, most of the time! haha)

Brielle with the bulldog at the Yoakum High School

haha she did not want to let go of this ball!

Looking so cute on the hay stack!

Always trying to count, so precious!

"helping" me with the laundry

Morning baby, so cute!

haha we were stacking blocks, until she sat in the box..

Having fun at the park!

Sliding down the slide, she loveeees to do this!

wrapped in the ribbon from Rochelle's memorial!

Looking so cute before heading to Granny and Paw-Paw's house

She caught the ball at Rhyleigh's game! 

Our beauty

Nana with her girls!

This is all I see when I chat with Brielle. ALL LIPS! lol!

Minnie Mouse time!

Our little girl, acting crazy!

Stages of Grief

  Ever since we were told that Rochelle had Trisomy 13, it was just the start our of grieving process.  We couldn't understand why God would give us another baby just to take them away again.  It took a lot of time, healing, and prayers to get to the place where we are at right now.  While reading my book right now I came across this quote "I believe that everything happens in our lives, however awful, is an opportunity to bring glory to Jesus" and it describes what we are going through so well.
  There are fives stages in the grieving process, and while I learned them in nursing school, and have lost family members, I didn't quite fully understand going through each process until we lost Rochelle. It was different with Lamar, because we felt like we didn't have time to fully understand everything before we lost him, and I had to take a test in nursing school two days after I lost him.  So grieving definitely needed to occur, and the only thing I wanted more then anything was to feel a baby kick inside of me again, and that's where Brielle came into the picture.  Just two months after losing Lamar, we were in desperate need of another baby to help comfort us and while she could never replace him, she helped us grieve and heal more then she could ever have imagined.  The five stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
  Denial-  I think this stage occurred mostly during the early months during my pregnancy since we got abnormal results at the 9 week blood work, we just didn't think we could handle going through everything all over again.  When it was confirmed at 18 weeks that she did in fact have Trisomy 13, I still think it took about another couple of weeks to fully understand what our journey was looking like that we were about to embark on.
  Anger- This really occurred with both Shane and myself during the weeks following the diagnosis.  We didn't have anger like we wanted to lash out on everyone, because that's just not who we are, but we were mad at God and just needed to let our anger out that He would let this happen to us again.  Little did we know, that it was probably the best thing to ever happen to us.
  Bargaining-  This stage pretty much occurred during every single prayer over our baby girl, we just prayed for God to deliver us our baby born alive, and give us time with her.  We didn't pray over a specific time, but we just needed time.  It seemed like that prayer continued every single day she was alive, for her to get stronger and heal from her illness.  We just didn't quite understand that God was giving us more time with our precious girl than any of the doctors could ever expect, with all that was going on with her.
  Depression-  This stage happened during the last week of her life, up until about 2-3 weeks after her death.  I just wanted to be by myself to cry, think, pray, and write down my thoughts.  Life didn't end with Rochelle's passing, but it truly fully began for our family of three.  We all just needed time together, alone, and that was truly the best healing for us.
  Acceptance-  I truly feel like we are in this stage right now. We are realizing that God gave us two precious babies, and one that we got to love on and cherish and kiss before they went to be with Him.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Sometimes, we will never know, but we do believe in a God that is bigger and more powerful then we could have ever understood before.
Thanks be to God for giving us the greatest gift on Earth, and that is to be parents.  We fully feel like we are alive now and living life to the fullest.  This is going to take time, but we are truly blessed with the family and friends that are continuing to pray and love on us and help us any way they can.

"Trust that an ending is followed by a beginning."

The Lord is my rock; my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock and whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the hornof of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)

Our Children Live On

  I truly feel like people come into your life and gift with you with just what you need at the exact time you need it.  My best friend/cousin-in-law Krystle gave me this book on the day of Rochelle's memorial service. While I didn't know what to expect with the book, I knew that God placed this book in my life to heal my hurt heart.  This book truly astonished me with how many miracles occurred with a lot of different families.

  This book consisted of nine different chapters, with each focusing on a different subject.  

• Visions
• Sounds
• Smells
• Touch
• A sense of presence
• Signs
• Dreams
• Angels
• Near death experiences

  Each chapter consisted of stories written by parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and even uncles telling their personal short story about their family member who has passed on and went to be with God.  They describe ways that they have received signs from their loved one showing that they are doing okay, without all the pain and suffering they have been experiencing while being here on Earth.  

  I can't even begin to tell you signs that we have experienced since Rochelle has passed.  One of my most favorite signs that she has showed me was while all of close friends were over this past weekend, a beautiful moth flew in from the outside and flew directly on top of our  dining room table where we were all gathering around (all the women at least).  Once everyone left and I was cleaning up the table, I accidentally hit the moth and it flew to our ceiling.  When I told Shane that I thought it was sign that Rochelle was okay, he went and took a picture of it with my cell phone, it stayed for maybe 5 minutes later and then disappeared.  We could not find it anywhere, and all the windows and doors were closed.  

   We know our beautiful angels are up there living life and getting loved on and spoiled as they should, and I know my Meemo (my grandma) is taking good care of them and giving them all of the love and affection she showed my brother and I growing up.  

  If anyone is looking for a positive book, or know someone who could use the healing and love this book provides I would definitely suggest it to them.  It's called Our Children Live On by Elissa Al-Chokhachy.

She's got the whole world in her hands

  A couple of weekends ago at church, the choir was singing "He's got the whole world in His hands", and it hit me; Brielle really does have the whole world in her hands.   These last three months of being at home ( I was only able to work one weekend when Rochelle was alive) gave me so much time to spend with my girls.  This past month of just being pretty much me and Brielle during the day while Shane works, has made me realize that Brielle has the potential to accomplish so much in her life.
  I have really been able to sit down one on one and teach her things again and really cherish all the one on one time we have gotten to have.  I am only working a couple of weeks in February before we start back up working both jobs again in March.  I can truly tell our bond has grown so much and even days where she is stuck to me like velcro, I know there will a day in the future where I would wish she could be this age again and in this phase.
  Shane and I both wonder what kind of person she will be when she grows up, how she will treat others, and if she will have a loving heart to help others in need.  It's so crazy to think that she will be one day graduating high school and attending college to pursue her dreams.  We can only hope and pray that God gives us the strength and guidance to lead her down the right path, and follow her dreams, whatever they shall be.
  We love this crazy, wild, sugar-loving toddler with all of our heart and we only hope the best for her.  I know in 18 years I will look back at this post and be very happy with the person she has become.

Haven of Hope

  During this time of grieving, I have not really connected with other moms that have been in my position, or had a support group to go to just talk about my feelings and where I stand( my family and friends have been amazing by the way and have been there for me) but I do feel like I will be able to connect on a deeper level, that only each other can understand.  My friend, Laura Brown, reached out to me and told me there was a Church Retreat coming up in March for moms who have lost a child(ren).
  In my heart, going to something by myself scares me so much.  After a lot of praying and thinking about it, I have chosen to attend the retreat this year March 20-22.  I have asked God to help both Shane and I with our grieving process and to continue to give us strength, power, and knowledge to help others.  I know this is the perfect place to help with this process, and that God directly spoke through Laura to tell me about this retreat.
  In case anyone is wondering about the retreat the cost is $200 per person to attend the retreat held in Round Top, Texas (which is a little over an hour from my house) and it begins Friday afternoon and goes through Sunday around Lunch time.
  The Haven of Hope ministries "is a non-denominational ministry with the sole desire to minister to moms who have suffered the death of a child by offering comfort, hope and encouragement. We host an annual retreat where moms can have a safe place to work through the grief process, share their feelings and talk about their child/children.  Our desire is that you will walk away with encouragement, friendships, love and above all hope."  
  I cannot wait to go on this retreat, and meet many of the moms who are walking in my shoes and we can share the beautiful stories of our children to one another.  If you would be interested in attending you can click here to find out more information.  

Pink for Rochelle

  On January 11, 2015 we celebrated Rochelle's life by having a memorial service for her. All of our close family and friends got together, along with our church and made the day so special and meaningful to us and we know Rochelle was looking down probably smiling that little smile of hers.
  The days in between her passing and her memorial are pretty much a blur.  All I know is that I had to make a lot of decisions, and fast so that everyone could get everything done that we would like to be done.  Both of my sister in laws did great and provided so much help, we couldn't thank them enough.  One helped with the pictures, and printing them out and putting them in gorgeous frames and helped along with desserts and decorations, and my other one helped pretty much with the program and the days events (everything from making the program and making sure the church service went well to helping back at the Harry O'Gibson center where we all gathered for the balloon release and the celebratory feast.)
  The church service was amazing, and was held at our church (St. James Baptist Church) our Pastor Rev. Lynn Jones did amazing with his words and his kindness during this time for our family. Our niece Rhyleigh read such a meaningful poem and one of our church members sang such a beautiful song "I give myself away". It went so smooth, and we appreciated everyone who got up to speak something positive for Rochelle.  She was truly loved by so many, and we cannot thank you all so much for all those kind words you spoke of us and our beautiful daughter.  I also loved that Shane and I got to speak words of love, kindness, and encouragement for our baby girl, we know deep in our hearts that she is having a blast in Heaven, not hooked up to any monitors and not having to struggle any more to breathe.
  Following the church service, we all gathered at the Harry O' Gibson center and started with the letters to Rochelle on the bottom of each balloon, and then releasing them with Shane, Brielle and I standing in the middle surrounded by all of our family and friends around us.  It was so uplifting to be able to write one last positive note to our baby girl before releasing that balloon and it truly gives us so much comfort knowing we were able to make that happen.
  Then it was time for the prayer over the food and gathering time and just seeing all of our close family and friends attend, made the day that more special.  God truly gave me the strength and power to make the day so beautiful and special and even though I wish I could have had a photographer there at the memorial taking pictures of things that I do not ever want to forget, I know that I will always remember what is important, and that is our perfect little baby girl.

Thank you to ALL of our family and friends in making the day unforgettable and helping so much with Brielle in the process to give us time to think, heal, and pray.  We love each and every one of you.

We love you our perfect baby girl :)